There's more conversation then what I'm writing here but I write to tell you... often... all we have to do is OPEN OUR MOUTH! Simply invite someone to church.... God was clearly working in this person's family and life and I got the honor of inviting them to church.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO GET THEM TO COME!!! I just OPENED MY MOUTH. God had already prepared our meeting, prepared their heart and knew I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to inviting people to 7SD... I want them to KNOW YOU... the BEST GROUP OF PEOPLE AROUND!!!

So what's the point? Invite someone to come. Invite them to Sunday morning service. If they say, "NO WAY... I won't go near church." You know you've got the right person because we started 7SD for people just like that!!! 

If they won't come Sunday morning, invite them to Sunday afternoon at Santee Lakes (and bring enough food for them too) It's an easy way for your Oikos to get to know other people in the church without the feeling or intimidation of "church." 

Jesus said, "I sent you to harvest where you didn’t plant; others had already done the work, and now you will get to gather the harvest.” John 4:38 (NLT)

That's what is happening all around us if we will just OPEN OUR MOUTH. We get to harvest where others have planted...others have had the conversations and multiple rejections of invites to church and Bible study and on and on.... but just like I what I experienced today we all can experience because GOD IS ALREADY DOING THE WORK IN PEOPLE'S LIVES...We just need to be willing HARVESTERS...

Join me in inviting people this Sunday & every Sunday,

Pastor Jeremy

Conflicting testimony against Jesus is brought forth by many witnesses, to which Jesus answers nothing. Finally the high priest tells Jesus to respond under solemn oath, saying "I tell you, by the Living God, to tell us, are you the Anointed One, the Son of God?" Jesus testifies in the affirmative, "You have said it, and in time you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Almighty, coming on the clouds of Heaven." The high priest condemns Jesus for blasphemy, and the Sanhedrin Trial of Jesus concurs with a sentence of death (Matthew 26:57-66). Peter, waiting in the courtyard, also denies Jesus three times to bystanders while the interrogations were proceeding just as Jesus had predicted.

In the morning, the whole assembly brings Jesus to the Roman governor Pontius Pilate under charges of subverting the nation, opposing taxes to Caesar, and making himself a king (Luke 23:1-2). Pilate authorizes the Jewish leaders to judge Jesus according to their own law and execute sentencing; however, the Jewish leaders reply that they are not allowed by the Romans to carry out a sentence of death (John 18:31).

Pilate questions Jesus and tells the assembly that there is no basis for sentencing. Upon learning that Jesus is from Galilee, Pilate refers the case to the ruler of Galilee, King Herod, who was in Jerusalem for the Passover Feast. Herod questions Jesus but receives no answer; Herod sends Jesus back to Pilate. Pilate tells the assembly that neither he nor Herod have found guilt in Jesus; Pilate resolves to have Jesus whipped and released (Luke 23:3-16). Under the guidance of the chief priests, the crowd asks for Barabbas, who had been imprisoned for committing murder during an insurrection (It was customary to release a prisoner just before passover). Pilate asks what they would have him do with Jesus, and they demand, "Crucify him" (Mark 15:6-14). Pilate's wife had seen Jesus in a dream earlier that day, and she forewarns Pilate to "have nothing to do with this righteous man" (Matthew 27:19). Pilate has Jesus flogged and then brings him out to the crowd to release him. The chief priests inform Pilate of a new charge, demanding Jesus be sentenced to death "because he claimed to be God's son." This possibility filled Pilate with fear, and he brought Jesus back inside the palace and demanded to know from where he came (John 19:1-9).

Coming before the crowd one last time, Pilate declares Jesus innocent and washed his own hands in water to show he has no part in this condemnation. Nevertheless, Pilate hands Jesus over to be crucified in order to stop a riot that would most certainly occur if he did not condemn Jesus...(Matthew 27:24-26) and ultimately to keep his job. The sentence written is "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews." Jesus carries his cross to the site of execution (assisted by Simon of Cyrene), called the place of the Skull, or "Golgotha" in Hebrew and in Latin "Calvary". There he is crucified along with two criminals (John 19:17-22).

Jesus agonizes on the cross for six hours. During his last 3 hours on the cross, from noon to 3 p.m., darkness falls over the whole land. With a loud cry, Jesus gives up his spirit. There is an earthquake, tombs break open, and the curtain in the Temple is torn from top to bottom. The centurion on guard at the site of crucifixion declares, "Truly this was God's Son!" (Matthew 27:45-54)

Joseph of Arimathea, a member of the Sanhedrin and secret follower of Jesus, who had not consented to his condemnation, goes to Pilate to request the body of Jesus (Luke 23:50-52). Another secret follower of Jesus and member of the Sanhedrin named Nicodemus brought about a hundred pound weight mixture of spices and helped wrap the body of Christ (John 19:39-40). Pilate asks confirmation from the centurion whether Jesus is dead (Mark 15:44). A soldier pierced the side of Jesus with a sword causing blood and water to flow out (John 19:34), and the centurion informs Pilate that Jesus is dead (Mark 15:45).

Joseph of Arimathea took Jesus' body, wrapped it in a clean linen shroud, and placed it in his own new tomb that had been carved in the rock (Matthew 27:59-60) in a garden near the site of crucifixion. Nicodemus (John 3:1) also brought 75 pounds of myrrh and aloes, and placed them in the linen with the body, in keeping with Jewish burial customs (John 19:39-40). They rolled a large rock over the entrance of the tomb (Matthew 27:60). Then they returned home and rested, because the Sabbath or "Shabbat" had begun at sunset (Luke 23:54-56). On the third day, Sunday, which is now known as Easter Sunday (or Pascha), Jesus rose from the dead.

The resurrection is the foundation of the Christian faith. No resurrection then there would be no Christianity and consequently no hope. But we celebrate Easter Sunday because Jesus did rise from the dead. 

The Resurrection: In Christianity the resurrection of Jesus refers to the return to bodily life of Jesus on the third day following his death by crucifixion. It is a key element of Christian faith and theology. The resurrection of Jesus is not to be confused with the Ascension of Jesus into heaven forty days after the resurrection.

In the New Testament, after the Romans crucified Jesus, he was buried in a new tomb but he rose from the dead and appeared to many people over a span of forty days before his return to heaven (Ascension). Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday, the third day after Good Friday which marks his crucifixion. Easter's date corresponds roughly with Passover, the Jewish observance associated with the Exodus.

In several episodes in the Gospels(Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) Jesus foretells of his coming death and resurrection, and states that it was based on the plan ofGod the Father. Jesus would die for the sins of the world and anyone who would accept his free gift will be saved.

Saved from what? Saved from having to pay for your sins yourself. Saved from Hell, Saved for Heaven. The Bible says we've all sinned (Romans 3:23), we've all come up short of God's standard and there is a price to pay for rejecting God (Romans 6:23). But, the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Rom. 6.23b). Christians believe Jesus paid the price for us and therefore we don't have to pay it. But, the only requirement is that we believe in God's Son (John 3:18).

So many people think they have to work for God's favor, the reality is what John 6:29 says, 

John 6:29    Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

In many Christian churches, Palm Sunday is marked by the distribution of palm leaves (often tied into crosses) to the congregation. 

Traditionally, entering the city on a donkey symbolizes arrival in peace, rather than as a war waging king arriving on a horse.

According to the Gospels Jesus rode a donkey into Jerusalem, and the celebrating people there lay down their cloaks in front of him, and also lay down small branches of trees and palm fronds. The people sang part of Psalms 118: 25-26 - ... Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. We bless you from the house of the Lord ....

The symbolism of the donkey may refer to the Eastern tradition that it is an animal of peace, versus the horse, which is the animal of war. Therefore, a king came riding upon a horse when he was bent on war and rode upon a donkey when he wanted to point out that he was coming in peace. Therefore Jesus' entry to Jerusalem symbolized his entry as the Prince of Peace, not as a war waging king.

In many lands in the ancient Near East it was the custom to cover in some way the path of someone thought worthy of the highest honor. The Old Testament (2Kings 9:13) writes that Jehu, son of Jehoshaphat, was treated this way. Both the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke) and the Gospel of John report that people gave Jesus this form of honor. However, in the synoptics they are only reported as laying their garments and cut rushes on the street, whereas John more specifically mentions palm fronds. The palm branch was a symbol of triumph and victory in Jewish tradition, and is treated in other parts of the Bible as such (e.g., Leviticus 23:40 andRevelation 7:9). Because of this, the scene of the crowd greeting Jesus by waving palms and carpeting his path with them has become symbolic and important.

We celebrate this day at Seven San Diego and look forward to Easter. 

Ok, so the pastoral/christianese answer is: October 31st is actually "Reformation Day" - it's the date when Martin Luther nailed the 95 Theses to door of the Wittenburg church and sparked the Reformation of the Church!.. And, Halloween started as "All Hallows Eve" when the church honored the saints of have died and gave their lives for the Lord and His church. Now, I love it for those reasons too..it's an awesome day to celebrate. But, I also love it for other reasons.

Here's why.

1. It's my first son's birthday. When he was younger (he'll be ten this Halloween) he thought people were coming to the door to wish him a happy birthday. And, he thought it was cool when we went door to door getting candy for his birthday.

2. Neighbors come to my door. How often do neighbors get anywhere near a pastors door? They come to me! 

3. I get to connect with people I don't normally get to connect with busy schedules and garage door openers.

4. I get a stash of candy...I love anything chocolate...so the kids come home with a stash and I pick.

5. Charlie Brown

Yep, I love Halloween...there I said it.

My head hurts. Monday mornings are generally difficult. Doctors say it's the adrenaline shut off that happens the night before. After speaking twice and and talking with lots of people our bodies kick in the adrenaline to help keep the energy up. Inevitably, that flow has to stop at some point. For me, it's usually about 9:00pm on Sunday night. Then Monday morning I wake with a headache....errrr...an adrenaline hangover. 
Years ago I talked with my father in law (also a pastor) and he said he gets headaches every Monday morning. A small price to pay for the joy of talking to so many people.

We're praying, pray with us, cuz we don't know what's next.

Q: IF married, is flirting bad?

A: Not if you’re flirting with your spouse. Flirting with your spouse is highly encouraged. In fact, it is true that women are like crock pots but men are like microwaves so men…get the crock pot started early with lots of flirting. All other flirting outside the marriage is inappropriate. If you are tempted to flirt with someone who is not your spouse you should pour that energy into your relationship with your spouse. Flirting is the first step toward adultery or great sex with your spouse. See Proverbs 4:25, Prov. 7, Matt. 5:28 (applies to husbands and wives)

Q: What should we single people do for the next 7 days? (referring to the 7Day Sex Challenge I gave to married couples which was for married couples to have sex each day or as much as possible for seven days).

A: The same thing you should do for the 7 after that. No sex until marriage (for further study listen to pt.1 of Best Sex Ever). Also, be praying for God to bring the right one into your life and make sure you use the parameters I gave for single people in part three of “The Best Sex Ever” when I talked about how to Recognize a Potential Mate. Click here for the listen to the message http://www.sevensdchurch.com/sermon/pt-3-the-best-sex--ever/

Q: How much viagra is too much

A: If you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours you should see your doctor.

Q: Is masturbation ok in marriage? What does the Bible say about it?

A: If agreed to by both husband and wife as part of the sexual “fun” and arousal in bed YES, it is ok. If it’s something apart from the husband and wife’s fun time in bed it could become lustful with thoughts of others (thus committing adultery according to Jesus) and extremely selfish. The Bible says nothing about masturbation, but plenty about looking out for the needs of your spouse before your own 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, Hebrews 13:4, 1Peter 3:7.

Q: Is porn ok inside of marriage?

A: It is not OK, it enters “others” into the marriage bed, is Orgie “esque” and leads to deeper darker sexual misconduct. Even if both husband and wife agree it still is sinful in the sight of God and degrading and demeaning to both husband and wife. It brings lust to a whole new level and is an extremely difficult habit to break.

If you are struggling with this please visit xxxchurch.com

Usually it is the husband requesting this and the wife may begrudgingly go along with it at first. Often the husband will start to see his wife as less and less valuable and unable to compete with what he is seeing on the television or computer. He is falling into Satan’s trap and continuing to devalue his bride by comparing her to the women he is seeing in the porn. This is the beginning of the end of The Best Sex Ever between the husband and wife. Radical steps must be taken to cleanse themselves of this and move forward in their sexual relationship without porn. It’s a long road some have made it, many have not.

Q: Can or will God bless a gay marriage?

A: The short answer is no, because it goes against what God has already said about homosexuality. If you would like to listen to a message I gave recently about homosexuality and marriage please click the link http://www.sevensdchurch.com/sermon/txt-pt-4-what-does-the-txt-say-about-being-gay/

However, all people whether believers or not, homosexual or not, experience what is called “common grace” and experience God’s blessings of living on earth, experiencing sunshine, rain, good days and bad…that is common to all humanity and in that case…a blessing.

Q: What about 1 Corinthians 7:14 where the unbelieving husband will be sanctified through his wife and vise verse?

A: This is a very interesting situation. The context is that Paul is talking to married couples where one person has become a believer and the other has not. Understand, they are already married and one has decided to be a Christian, the other has not. This is not a situation of a believer deciding to marry and unbeliever. We know from Scripture that this is forbidden by God (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). He says that the unbelieving husband or wife is “sanctified” through the believing spouse.

The question had come up in the Corinthian church about believers being “contaminated” by their unbelieving husbands or wives. By contamination I mean their sin and unbelief. Paul makes the distinction and says that the believing husband or wife is not being contaminated with the bad or sin of the unbelieving husband or wife but the unbelieving husband or wife is being “contaminated” by the good or holiness of the believing husband or wife.

He says they are being sanctified through their marital bond because of their faith in Christ. Something very mystical and real happens when the two become one. It is more than just skin on skin. That’s why God considers sexual sin more serious than other sins (1Cor. 6:18-20).

It is a unification of both body and soul. It does not mean the unbelieving spouse is admitted to heaven upon death without confessing Christ, but it does mean that the believing spouse does not need to worry about being affected spiritually through an unbelieving spouse, rather the unbelieving spouse is being affected spiritually through the believing spouse. Their “holiness” or “goodness” is being “caught” by the unbelieving spouse when “the two become one.”

Q: Do I have to do premarital counseling?

A: If you would like myself or one of the other pastors at Seven San Diego church to marry you the answer is YES. You will need to do pre-marital counseling. It usually lasts 4-6 weeks for an hour per session with homework and life skills lessons that will give you a head start in your marriage.

Believe me, you don’t want to miss out on pre-marital. I once had a guy give me a hard time about pre-marital counseling saying, “I’ve been married three times, I don’t need this stuff!” Whether you’ve been married before or not YOU NEED PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING.

Q:Is oral sex ok?

A: YES. Again, in the marriage bed, it is all good between the two of you.

Q: Where in the Bible does it say that premarital sex is a sin/wrong?

A: The Bible refers to premarital sex as “fornication” in some of the older translations of Scripture such as the King James Version (KJV), New American Standard Bible (NASB) etc. More modern translations preferred the words “Sexually Immoral” or “Adultery.”

Below is a list of the verses from both the Old and New Testament where the Bible says pre-marital sex is a sin/wrong using the words fornication, sexually immoral and adultery.

1Cor. 5:9 1Cor. 5:11 1Cor. 6:9 Heb. 12:16 Heb. 13:4 Rev. 21:8 Rev. 22:15 2Chronicles 21:11 Isaiah 23:17 Ezekiel 16:26 Ezekiel 16:29 Matt. 5:32 Matt. 19:9 John 8:41 Acts 15:20 Acts 15:29 Acts 21:25 Rom. 1:29 1Cor. 5:1 1Cor. 6:13 1Cor. 6:18 1Cor. 7:2 1Cor. 10:8 2Cor. 12:21 Gal. 5:19 Eph. 5:3 Col. 3:5 1Th. 4:3 Jude 7 Rev. 2:14 Rev. 2:20 Rev. 2:21 Rev. 9:21 Rev. 14:8 Rev. 17:2 Rev. 17:4 Rev. 18:3 Rev. 18:9 Rev. 19:2

Q: What are some examples of clear boundaries that help in relationships?

A: Clearly stated boundaries in relationships are key to healthy relationships. The problem is most people don’t take the time to communicate when concerning boundaries. Don’t wait for the other person to talk about boundaries, you take the responsibility. The reality is you will be more respected and appreciated if you clearly state your boundaries. I’m not saying on the first words out of your mouth to your date are, “We’re not doing this, this, or this, nor are we going here, here, or there!”

When the time is right discuss it, but don’t wait too long. Let’s take dating as an example. When you do discuss boundaries here are some guidelines. Boundaries should be clear that you won’t be alone in the dark, late at night, when no one else is around. Why? Very simply…temptation.

Boundaries will help you stay pure before God as you walk toward marriage. Boundaries help you have a plan when you’re dating. You will either go by your plans or your glands. If you’re in the back seat and it’s getting hot and heavy…it’s too late…you’re going by your glands.

If you’ve discussed boundaries and agreed you won’t ever get in the back seat, nor go to a dark, private place with no accountability, no friends, just the two of you, then your boundaries will help you stay pure. Other boundaries include no “sleepovers” or “I’m just going to sleep on the floor.”

Why? The Bible says to avoid the appearance of evil. You may have the best intentions but it sure looks like you’re sleeping with her or him. The only thing people know is that your car was there all night. They don’t know you slept on the floor. And, besides, the temptation that’s just down the hallway is too great a trap.

Thank you all for your questions, hope these answers help you.

Worse yet, it was delivered over e-mail a few days too late: "Hey, too bad I couldn't make it on Saturday. Something came up. Sorry if it caused a problem."

Anna hit the delete button and swallowed her resentment. The previous Saturday she had hosted a dinner party for several friends. It was the culmination of several weeks of planning, a sizable cash outlay, two nights of cleaning, and one day of cooking. It was a labor of love for several good friends — and a potential audition for the role of a wife. She had hoped her domestic skills would be appreciated and projected into the future by a certain single man. But he was AWOL by the time dinner was served.

"That's what I get for making the effort," she mumbled to herself as the tears began their descent. "He is so not worth it."

The next time Anna saw Mark at a singles event, she refused to make eye contact and coolly walked away.

"I can't believe it — she blew me off," Mark complained to his buddy. "Did you see that? I apologized to her and now she won't even talk to me!"

Sorry if ...

Those two words are a dodge. They attempt to address the tension in the air but they diffuse nothing. "If" implies the offense isn't evident, requiring the speaker to offer a vague assessment of the problem while skirting any responsibility for it. A simple "sorry" is an air-kiss in the direction of a true acknowledgment of wrong-doing. Offered together, they typically fuel the offense, rather than placate it.

This is the kind of phrase we typically utter when we recognize there is tension in a relationship, but we don't want to put in the hard work to accomplish genuine reconciliation.

And it always comes across as hollow as it is.

Repentance to the Rescue

The "sorry if" statement hasn't a leg to stand on because it's missing the core of a true apology: the recognition of injury or wrong-doing, and a genuine expression of repentance for it.

We were created with an innate sense of justice. Even young children recognize this with their offended cries of "it's not faa-air!" Our culture has grown more litigious as the "sorry if" statements have proliferated. But now some segments of society are beginning to recognize the bottom-line impact. Over the last four years, several states have passed what's known as "doctor apology laws." Some hospital administrators say apologies help defuse patient anger and prevent lawsuits that have helped drive up doctors' malpractice insurance rates. These laws allow physicians to apologize when treatment goes wrong, without having to fear that their words will be used against them in court. According to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, studies show that negligence is not the most important factor in people's decision to file a lawsuit, but rather, ineffective communication between patients and providers.

In other words, we long to hear that the other person recognizes the injury or injustice — and is genuinely remorseful about it.

When I was growing up, my parents would steadfastly maintain that it takes two to start a fight. Whenever the squeals of anger and conflict would erupt, one or both of them would come into the room, demanding to know what was going on. Like the good little sinners we were, we'd immediately point out the wrong-doing of our siblings, expecting that the other one would get punished. Invariably, we jointly received correction. We weren't very swift to figure out that blame-shifting didn't work. In fact, it has never worked. It didn't work in the Garden of Eden — when Adam tried to blame both God and Eve, and Eve passed the blame on to the serpent — and it doesn't work now. Why? Because our own "righteousness" in any conflict will never measure up to the perfect holiness of God.

Scripture says our conflicts are fueled by hidden agendas, cravings, and self-centered demands. James 4:1-3 makes this very clear:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Christians are walking objects of mercy; as such, we are called to remember how much we have been forgiven — and to make that truth a reality in our relationships. Though we have been forgiven by God through the cross of Christ, we will struggle with indwelling sin until we see our Lord in glory. Therefore, we are to be quick to recognize our own sinful tendencies and motivations, first before God and then with others.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (1 John 1:5-10)

When we have conflict and tension in our relationships, the Bible calls us to examine our own hearts and to own, without blame-shifting, the sins we have committed. A true apology is honest about sin — labeling it as the Bible does — and seeks to restore fellowship through repentance and forgiveness.

The Art of the Apology

So let's look back at the conflict between Mark and Anna. Some might glibly write this off as the usual tension of expectations between single men and women. In social occasions, women often make more of an effort than men do, 'tis true. (Of course, I do recognize that some men are much better hosts and chefs than the bulk of the population, so I am speaking generally here.) Therefore, a man might not realize how much time and money has gone into a dinner invitation that he has treated so casually. I hope this column serves as an alert for anyone so innocent about the work that goes into offering hospitality of any kind. May we all improve in our efforts to faithfully respond to social invitations in a timely way, to keep the commitments we've made, and to express our gratitude afterward.

This article, however, is not about etiquette. It's about reconciliation. And in Mark's case, he was sowing to laziness and self-centeredness when he decided to skip the dinner party. The day of the event, he didn't feel like going out. He just wanted to hang around the house and watch TV. So when a friend invited himself over to watch a new movie, Mark decided to blow off the dinner party. He figured it wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't show up.

It was a big deal to Anna, though. It would have been rude if any guest had decided to bow out without explanation at the last moment, but because she had expectations of him, she was especially disappointed. His nonchalant, non-apology only fueled her anger and so she felt justified in blowing him off at the next singles meeting.

Sin and selfishness are everywhere present in this scenario, but there is a way out! When Mark felt the pinch of his conscience that prompted him to send his "sorry if" apology attempt, it would have been better if he had stopped first to pray. Through prayer, we can ask the Holy Spirit to show us the things we are blind to: the self-centered focus, the sinful motivations of comparison or people-pleasing, the self-righteousness that we feel entitled to express, etc. Then it's good to find some Scriptures that address these areas so we can apologize and ask forgiveness in biblical terms and not hide behind the fuzzy, sin-minimizing language of our culture.

For example, Mark's apology would have been better if he had identified his contribution to the conflict and asked for forgiveness in this manner: "Anna, I am sorry for skipping your dinner party. It was self-centered of me not to think about how this would affect your plans and it certainly didn't show any gratitude for your hospitality. I was tired and preferred staying home to watch a movie, but this didn't consider your interests as more important than my own. God has convicted me of this. Would you please forgive me for my selfishness and lack of consideration?"

This kind of apology reflects true repentance, clearly names the biblical categories of sin, and then asks for forgiveness. For Anna's part, she should not blow this off with a simple, "That's OK" or "Don't worry about it." That response minimizes the confession and the request for forgiveness. Since Anna had also contributed to the conflict, a gracious response would be something like this: "Mark, I do forgive you. Now I have to ask you to forgive me for responding in anger to you and unkindly snubbing you at the meeting. I should have used that opportunity to ask you questions, instead of sinfully judging you. Would you please forgive me for my anger?"

In this particular scenario, Anna needed to ask for forgiveness, as well. But if she had not returned unkindness with more of the same, and Mark had made this same apology, then her response should be different: "I wondered what had happened, Mark, so it's good to hear your explanation. I was hurt that you didn't show up, but I'm glad to forgive you — especially in light of all that God has forgiven me."

But what about Anna's crush and her expectations of Mark? This is where wisdom and discretion would dictate that she not lay this burden on him. He is innocent in the matter of her hopes for a future relationship and the burden of expectation that she has here. But she should confess this to a trusted accountability partner. Because of her dashed hopes, her reaction to Mark was more heated than it would have been had any other guest cancelled. She wanted to impress him, so her motivation for throwing the dinner party was partially based out of self-promotion.

This aspect she should confess to her accountability partner, who could help Anna identify potential idolatry, fear of man, lack of trust in God, and sinful desires to impress others — and help her to repent before God. (An important disclaimer: Anna was not wrong for throwing a dinner party and inviting a man she liked. It was her reaction to the "squeeze" of the disappointing circumstances that was sinful.)

A "sorry if" statement not only falls short of a real apology, it misses the mark of Christian forgiveness. The well-crafted, biblically-based apology is an art unto itself. It reveals the glory of conviction of sin and the grace of forgiveness, and wraps it in the beauty of humility — all for the praise of the glory of God!

Copyright © 2007 Carolyn McCulley. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on August 16, 2007.